You Spent Your Mom’s Money on WHAT?

Not long ago, we were in court representing a client who we’ll call “Wendy.” Wendy’s mother suffers from dementia, and one of Wendy’s brothers - we’ll call him “Peter” - has been acting as mom’s power-of-attorney.

Wendy grew concerned when she noticed Peter living a very large lifestyle, despite not having had a job in years. She asked him about it, and was told to “mind her own business.” She came to see us, and we discovered that Peter had used his POA document to deed mom’s house to himself, then quickly sold it.

We initiated a guardianship protective proceeding, and discovered the worst. Not only was mom’s home gone….so was her money, to the tune of well into six figures (perhaps even seven, as our investigation continues) All this transpired in about a six-month period, so we hoped to be able to recoup some of that money…but it was long gone.

For his part, Tom spent the money on women he met on dating sites. Who claimed to need money for plastic surgery, for dental work, and to “invest in her business.” Tom was ashamed, remorseful, and commented, “I guess I’ll be going to jail.” (And he will.) T

The judge was astonished, and in a moment that might have been humorous had the entire story not been so gut-wrenching, she lambasted Tom: “You spent your mom’s nursing home money on tummy tucks and liposuction, and you don’t even know these girls’ names?!?”

Mom’s accounts - at north of $2 million just a few years ago - are now overdrawn. All of them. She requires full-time care, and her nursing home bill is due, but there is no money to pay it (nor do her other children have the means to do so themselves). Seniors who are destitute can ordinarily rely on Medicaid to pay for nursing home care when necessary … but intra-family transfers can render a person ineligible for Medicaid for a period of up to five years after. (There are exceptions in cases of fraud, and those are being pursued, but the process takes some time.)

At one point the asked the family: “If Tom hasn’t been able to support himself financially, why in the world did mom make HIM her power-of-attorney?” A valid question, which brings us to the point of this blog post.

Part of our estate-planning process is talking about what your plan should look like. A much larger part is talking about who should implement your plan. (See earlier post: “Only As Good As The Ingredients.”) That recent hearing underscored this importance.

When we counsel clients during estate-planning, we’re never going to simply right down the name you tell us for executor, trustee, power-of-attorney, guardian of your children, or health-care decision-maker. We’re going to question, explore, probe, and perhaps even challenge.

At least half of our clients change their mind on these important positions after our feedback. And that is the value in experienced counsel. What you don’t get from LegalZoom. Or from an “assembly mill” firm that has you in-and-out in 30 minutes.

Our initial consultations usually last 90-120 minutes. And so as a result, there are lawyers (or online options) that might do planning for cheaper. But you know what’s far more expensive than thorough consultation and planning? Tummy tucks and liposuction.

Note: We do want to observe, the lawyers involved in Mom’s estate-planning for this actual case are terrific. And Mom made her selections more than a decade ago, before “Tom” fell on harder times. Their work wasn’t shoddy, in this instance. But the way things played out illustrates the importance of both careful consultation…. but also and follow-up. A good decision in 2025 might not be a good decision in 2035. That’s why we never charge to have clients return to revisit their plan.

Need to start the process? Or revisit your current plan? We’d be honored to listen.